McBride, Karyl. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Atria Books. Kindle Edition.
Karyl McBride, Ph.D., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver, Colorado, with over 28 years in public and private practice. She specializes in treating clients with dysfunctional family-of-origin issues.
For the past 17 years, Dr. McBride has been involved in private research concerning children
of narcissistic parents, with a primary focus on women raised by narcissistic mothers. She has treated many daughters of narcissistic mothers in her private practice. Dr. McBride’s private practice Web site is www.karylmcbridephd.com.
Will I ever Be Good Enough? Is a common question I hear in my own head and from many of my clients as well. Dr. McBride explains that there are 9 different traits of Narcissism. How it can appear in a maternal way and the impact it has on our emotional and physical health. There are life stories from different women and what their specific maternal narcissism looked like. I found myself connecting with some of those stories.
Dr. McBride also walks through self-talk, how-to steps to replace that self-talk, learning how to identify unhealthy boundaries, finding the strength and need to set good boundaries. There is so much education and self-awareness in this book that I felt like I wanted to write a point from every chapter that I could relate to.
I never thought of my parents as being narcissistic until I read the descriptions and light bulbs went off. I felt liberated to know I was not the unlovable person I carried around, always hoping someone saw my value.
How I saw myself in this storyline of the book was that my mom was a teenager when she had me so even though she was loving and kind, she was also very self seeking. My dad left us and my mom became a teenage single mom. She always had to have a boyfriend and it felt like they came first. I remember saying from a very young age, “When I have children I will make sure they know how important they are.” Becoming a parent has been the most rewarding experience in my life.
I remember watching my children playing and having fun with their dad. I had this intense sadness come over me, a feeling of regret that I never had a father play with me, ever, and wished that I had. I remember feeling very happy for my children but a moment of sadness for myself. These conflicting feelings lead me to also feeling a sense of regret. I could not believe that I would think like this. I always felt guilty about this and loathed myself for this thought.
What I read in this book helped normalize the experience. Following her steps has helped me to connect with different emotions and healing. Dr. McBride speaks of maternal narcissism without blaming narcissistic mothers. It is a legacy of narcissism Dr. McBride is helping daughters learn to recognize and start to make changes so we don’t pass it on. Instead, we can create a loving legacy to pass on.
Why is this book only focused on mothers and daughters? The author, Karly McBride, Ph.D. does point out that both boys and girls suffer emotional disruptions when a narcissistic father or mother raises them. However, the daughter’s primary role model for developing as an individual, lover, wife, mother, and friend is the mother. Therefore, aspects of maternal narcissism tend to damage daughters in particularly insidious ways.
